Manipulatively Insincere

I had already dismissed Ned as an asshole, and therefore deemed him not worth talking to. So I was making the fundamental attribution error, and my behavior was “manipulatively insincere.” I’m still ashamed of that. If ever anyone needed a dose of Radical Candor, it was Ned.¹

This is an extemely common occurrence; people often decide that it’s pointless, useless, or futile to give someone critical feedback based on the assumption that the person is not going to be receptive to it. There is also an assumption that the incident may be isolated but it’s likely that they’ll make the same mistake again.

It will matter that they had already recieved the intial feedback when this occurs again. You will have a point of reference for them to understand that it’s not an isolated incident. If you put off giving any feedback at all until the second offense, you may not feel inclined to acknowledge both incidents, and if you do the person may wonder why you were harboring the feedback for so long.